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If your loved one suffers from addiction, you are not alone. According to Pew Research Center, “46% of U.S. adults say they have a family member or close friend who is addicted to drugs or has been in the past.”[1]
Supporting someone in addiction recovery without enabling them can be a delicate balance to achieve. To explain, enabling is a term that describes helping someone to the point that you are shielding them from consequences. This type of “helping” actually hurts more than you’d think.
A good example of enabling someone with an addiction is providing them with money while they are still actively abusing drugs and alcohol. By giving them money, you are making it easier for them to obtain substances. While you might be hoping that your financial assistance will lessen their chances of engaging in criminal activity, it’s actually making it harder for them to realize their substance abuse is a problem.
If you want to support your loved one during their recovery journey, you’ll have to learn how to assist them without enabling. The best way to achieve this is by setting healthy boundaries, offering emotional support rather than financial support, educating yourself on your loved one’s addiction, engaging in group therapy with your family members, and more.
While recovering from drug and alcohol addiction can be difficult, substance abuse treatment programs make it possible. Even further, your loved one will have a better shot at long-term recovery when they have your support behind them. At the Mandala Healing Center, we offer family therapy to every client, ensuring they develop a healthy support system while they recover from addiction.
In this article, you will learn:
- What does enabling mean in terms of addiction?
- Does enabling harm the recovery process?
- What are the signs of enabling?
- How can you support your loved one’s recovery without enabling them?
How is Enabling Connected to Substance Use Disorders?
Enabling is a general term that refers to actions or behaviors that unintentionally support or maintain a loved one’s or friend’s unhealthy behaviors. It usually involves shielding someone from the consequences of their problematic actions. Enabling can refer to a wide variety of situations, including addiction.
The main characteristics of enabling include:
- Shielding from Consequences – If you are an enabler, you might step in to cover for the person’s actions, make excuses for them, or take on responsibility that should be theirs. This prevents them from experiencing the natural consequences of their behavior and allows them to continue the actions.
- Perpetuating the Problem – By shielding someone from consequences, you accidentally reinforce the behavior by preventing them from being able to learn from mistakes.
- Good Intentions That Are Harmful – Enablers are acting with good intentions, meaning to help the individual deal with a difficult situation. Unfortunately, you are unintentionally preventing them from being able to learn from their mistakes, which could have led to them changing their negative behavioral patterns.
When using enabling in the context of addiction, it means you are accidentally helping your loved one continue to abuse drugs and alcohol. Enabling is common, as many people want to help their loved one survive addiction in any way they can. Unfortunately, when helping turns into enabling, it hurts your loved one in the long run.
Does Enabling Harm the Recovery Process?
Enabling is a huge barrier to addiction recovery. It prevents people from experiencing the consequences of addiction, which makes it easier for them to continue abusing drugs and alcohol. As a result, your loved one might be less likely to seek professional help.
Enabling your loved one prevents them from achieving recovery in the following ways:
- Minimizing the severity of their substance use disorder by making excuses for their behavior or ignoring warning signs
- Providing temporary relief instead of long-term solutions by providing financial support or covering up their actions to prevent them from getting into trouble
- Preventing your loved one from realizing that substance abuse has consequences
- Causing your loved one to become dependent on you, making it less likely that they’ll seek help independently
- Reinforcing addictive behavior by making it easier for your loved one to continue abusing drugs by shielding them from consequences
The best way to support your loved one’s recovery is to avoid enabling behaviors while continuing to offer emotional help. Additionally, your loved one’s addiction can take a toll on your mental health, making it vital that you seek support groups and professional help in your own life.
You should also educate other family members on how enabling them can impact your loved one’s ability to recover.
Signs That You Are Enabling Your Loved One
Now that you understand how these actions negatively impact someone struggling with a substance use disorder, it’s time to educate yourself on what behaviors count as “enabling.” Every close family member of an individual with addiction should do their best to avoid engaging in enabling behaviors.
Examples or signs of enabling include:
- Letting them live in your home without charging rent or expecting them to contribute to the upkeep of the household
- Paying for their expenses as they remain unemployed
- Giving them money to buy drugs and alcohol out of fear that they’ll resort to illegal activities to obtain substances
- Bailing them out of jail or paying for legal expenses
- Making excuses for their behavior or blaming outside influences instead of asking them to take accountability for their actions
- Denying that they have a problem with drugs or alcohol
- Covering for them or lying to their boss/school when they have frequent absences
- Neglecting your self-care to ensure you are there to take care of them
If your primary focus in life is on the person struggling with addiction, you are likely enabling them. Other signs include getting into financial trouble while helping them, feeling helpless about the situation, becoming isolated from other family members and friends, and putting your own goals on hold.
How Can Family Members Support an Addicted Loved One In Rehab Without Enabling
Addiction negatively impacts both your physical and mental health. If your loved one is suffering from a substance use disorder, you probably want to do everything in your power to help them recover. While you should support them, there is a fine line between healthy support and enabling.
Learning how to support your loved one in recovery from addiction without slipping into a pattern of enabling is extremely important. While it is recommended to seek assistance from a mental health professional, there are tips and tricks you can use to make sure you are supporting your loved one efficiently.
The best ways to help your loved one throughout their recovery journey include:
Setting Healthy Boundaries
While your loved one is suffering a great deal, their addiction can also impact your physical and mental health. When you feel like you are struggling, you need to set healthy boundaries to ensure you maintain your sanity.
Examples of healthy boundaries you can set include:
- Refusing to allow your loved one into your home when they are using drugs or alcohol
- Not providing financial assistance until they have been sober for a certain amount of time
- Requiring them to pay rent or help out around the house while they are living with you
- Preventing them from interacting with children in the family while they are high
- Requiring them to keep up with attending support groups and therapy to participate in the family
- Setting certain times and days when you are unavailable to them to ensure you have time to engage in self-care
Having healthy boundaries with your addicted family member ensures your mental health remains intact throughout the recovery process. Many people choose not to communicate with their loved ones until they accept help from a professional addiction treatment program. Having these strict rules makes it more likely that your loved one will seek help.
Ensure Your Loved One Understands Their Treatment Options
If your loved one is not already in an addiction treatment program, they might need a little extra push to seek professional help. When they are in the right state of mind to have a sensitive conversation, you should talk to them about what treatment options are available to them.
This means you’ll have to do a bit of research before talking to your loved one. If you are going to be in charge of setting up their treatment program, you’ll need to figure out what treatment centers accept their insurance or how they will pay for rehab if they don’t have health insurance coverage.
Additionally, you should let your loved one know about the different levels of treatment options out there. For example, there are inpatient or residential treatment centers and outpatient programs. Inpatient care is better for those who have a severe substance use disorder or require 24/7 care, while outpatient care is a good option for mild addictions.
Offering Emotional Support Rather Than Financial
Substance use disorders often require a lot of money, as drugs and alcohol become expensive when you use them every day. If your loved one is constantly asking you for money, chances are that they are using it to buy the substances they are addicted to. By providing them with this money, you are making it easier for them to continue the behavior.
It is best to set a boundary with your loved one that you will not provide financial assistance until they attend an addiction treatment program. When you set this boundary, make it clear that you will continue to emotionally support them instead. This could mean listening to them when they are struggling with something, helping them create a recovery plan, or simply letting them know that you are there for them.
If your addicted loved one knows that they have your emotional support, they might be more likely to seek professional help. Having a family member who believes in them can make it easier to imagine a sober life.
Educating Yourself About Overcoming Addiction
Addiction is a chronic and progressive disease that affects every area of your loved one’s life. Knowing exactly how it affects them can help you understand what they are going through, making it easier for you to support them throughout the process.
There are many ways to educate yourself on substance use disorders. For starters, you could ask the addiction treatment program that your loved one is attending for information. Many of these programs have psychoeducational support groups that will make it easier for you to understand how addiction works.
You could also do your own research on the internet, take classes offered online, or speak directly to an addiction treatment professional who can explain how the disease works. Sometimes, addiction treatment programs offer family therapy sessions, which usually involve explaining how substance use disorders affect your loved one.
Focusing on Self-Care
Watching a loved one struggle with addiction can cause you to develop mental health issues. You might experience a wide range of negative emotions, including anger, resentment, anxiety, fear, and even grief. Because of the strain your loved one’s addiction can cause, it’s best to carve out some time in your schedule for self-care.
Ways to engage in self-care while dealing with your loved one’s recovery include:
- Meditating and practicing yoga
- Using breathing exercises to deal with stress
- Lessening the time you spend in stressful environments
- Journaling to work through your feelings and identify what emotions you are struggling with
- Engaging in relaxing activities like reading, completing puzzles, or taking warm baths
- Attending support groups for family members of addicts, like Al-Anon
- Spending time with other family members or friends who understand what you are going through
- Going to therapy to overcome mental health issues you might be suffering from
If you are dealing with severe symptoms of a mental health condition like intense anxiety, you should see a mental health professional. They might recommend therapy or short-term medication to help you cope during your loved one’s recovery process.
Using Therapy to Increase Family Support
Your loved one’s recovery might be a difficult process. Once they enter an addiction treatment center, they’ll have to undergo medical detox, individual therapy, group counseling, relapse prevention planning, and more. Having family support can make a huge difference, increasing their motivation and making them more likely to achieve long-term sobriety.
One of the best ways to increase your loved one’s family support is to get a few of their closest relatives to agree to participate in family therapy. Addiction treatment centers often offer family therapy as a main method of recovery because of how beneficial it is to have loved ones supporting you throughout the process.
During family therapy, you and your loved one’s other family members will learn more about how addiction impacts their lives. You will also work through any tension or resentments lingering in the family unit, especially if they stem from your loved one’s behavior during active addiction. Even further, you’ll learn healthy communication skills, making it easier for the family to talk about sensitive topics, set boundaries, and understand one another.
Encouraging the Attendance of Support Groups
Another way to increase family support for your loved one is by encouraging them to attend recovery support groups. To explain, support groups like 12-step programs provide your loved one with a community where they can relate to other people recovering from addiction. They also offer clear steps to help their members recover from their substance use disorders, achieve long-term sobriety, make amends for past mistakes, and more.
If your loved one is nervous about going to support groups, you could offer to go with them for the first few meetings. This shows your loved one that you are committed to supporting their recovery. It also eases some of the anxieties your loved one might be facing about trying something new.
Thankfully, many treatment centers also encourage the attendance of support groups. Your loved one might learn how to get the most out of 12-step meetings while they are in a treatment center. If so, you should simply make sure they are continuing to participate once they are living independently.
Promoting Responsibility and Accountability
Once your loved one completes an addiction treatment program, they’ll have to learn how to manage their recovery on their own. This can be a long and bumpy process, as it’s difficult to keep yourself motivated, especially when you are dealing with something as stressful as addiction recovery.
One of the best ways to support your loved one’s recovery is to help them develop personal responsibility and accountability. You can do this by encouraging them to attend weekly therapy sessions, ensuring they make it to recovery support groups, and suggesting that they find a job or attend school.
If your loved one is having a hard time staying accountable, you should suggest that they discuss it with their therapist. A mental health or addiction professional can offer your loved one the tips and techniques they need to increase their motivation to develop responsibility and accountability.
Be Prepared for Mistakes and Relapses
While relapse is not a part of everyone’s story, it is incredibly common. According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), the addiction relapse rate ranges from 40 to 60%.[2]
Because relapses are so common, you need to manage your expectations. While it’s good to stay hopeful and have faith in your loved one’s recovery, it can also be harmful to discount the possibility of a relapse altogether. Understanding that relapses occur often and are not indicative of personal failure will help you better support your loved one.
By showing your loved one that you understand relapses are common, they will feel comfortable coming to you in the future if they experience one. Struggling with addiction is never easy, but it’s even harder when you feel like you have no one to confide in.
You should work with your loved one and their treatment team to come up with a relapse prevention plan. That way, if something happens in the future and your loved one returns to drug and alcohol use, everyone knows exactly how to respond to increase the chances of your loved one achieving sobriety again.
Get Connected to a Top-Rated Rehab Center That Will Support Your Loved One’s Recovery
If your loved one is suffering from addiction, it’s time to think about drug and alcohol rehab. At the Mandala Healing Center, we accept a wide range of health insurance plans to ensure everyone has access to the care they need. Additionally, we offer individualized and evidence-based approaches to recovery, making it possible for your loved one to achieve long-term sobriety.
Why Choose The Mandala Healing Center? Clients are taken on a journey of healing through complete immersion into evidence-based clinical modalities, multifaceted alternative therapies, and expert medical management, allowing them to fully detox and recover from drug and alcohol addictions. Through a program of care designed to encourage change, a foundation is created that allows clients to find their higher purpose and reclaim their lives.
Contact us today for more information on how our drug and alcohol treatment center can help your loved one achieve recovery.
References:
- Pew Research Center: Nearly half of Americans have a family member or close friend who’s been addicted to drugs
- The National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA): The Science of Addiction Treatment and Recovery
